Summer marks a season in my life where I feel like slowing down, spending more time outdoors, and literally stopping and smelling the flowers. Beaches, books, fireworks, and eating my weight in strawberries are all on the list. Intense periods of rehearsals, writing, and auditions tend to go to the back burner; not gone entirely, but content to bubble away in the background at a much less frenetic pace.

I’m starting to think of my summer slow down as my yearly Soul Sabbatical. In Greek, the word sabbatical comes from sabbatikos, which literally translates to a "ceasing". How much do you love that idea? I get so tired of striving, of stretching, of trying to hustle. A ceasing sounds like just the ticket to restoring my energy and my imagination so that I can keep going with the creative work that is my life’s calling.

Yet every year, I can feel a fair amount of guilt at clearing my schedule to relax. In a culture where we are defined by how fast we go, how tired we are, and how much we produce, taking some time to downshift often feels like giving up or admitting defeat somehow. But the only way to stop feeling like we are failing at this game is to stop playing altogether, or perhaps, to find different rules to play by.

This year, in the spirit of breaking my own rules, I am going to experiment with giving myself permission to recharge the way I want to for the next couple of months. My summer may very well include creative projects and whims and playful activities; by all means, I hope it does. But I want to stop packing my schedule to the brim and instead to give myself the spaciousness to be spontaneous with whatever strikes me on given day. In spite of our belief that going at top speed all the time will make us more prolific creative souls, all that rushing around all the time actually does is burn us out. If we never take a time out to refill our creative well, where will inspiration and energy come from? Like the seasons in nature, we must experiment with our own rhythms to figure out how to best care for ourselves and our creative spirits.

Inspired by countless articles about how to give kids an old-fashioned laid back summer vacation, I’ve put together a short list of ideas for getting your grown-up self ready to recharge and primed for play:

1. Replace hectic habits with peaceful practices. One of the best ways to shift a habit is not just to stop doing the thing you don’t want to do, but to replace it with something that is more constructive. Don’t want to spend as much time checking your email on your lunch break? Put your phone on airplane mode and read a book instead. Sick of visiting the vending machine every time you feel stress rising at your job? Go to the bathroom and take five deep breaths instead.
2. Make your scheduling habits work in your favor for fun. If you are really having trouble not scheduling anything on your calendar, try scheduling in unscheduled time on a particular date. It sounds crazy, but I often write in “Rest” on my calendar and something about seeing it scheduled there makes me more likely to stick to it.
3. Don’t scroll the summer away. I’ve written about it before and no doubt you’ve read countless articles about this as well, but let’s be honest: as much as we read about this idea of unplugging from technology, how much do we actually put it into practice? The next time you find yourself tempted to scroll the day or night away on social media, ask yourself how doing that will make you feel. For me, I have started to become aware that I don’t feel well afterwards, like an emotional sugar high that comes with a crash afterwards. What activity can you do that does make you feel good when you’re done? For me,  it’s writing a poem, cuddling with my cat, or watching a new movie. Once you get a few feel good activities under your belt, it will become harder to settle for something that feels less than good.
4. Design a DIY creative retreat. Last summer, I looked into going to an artist’s retreat for a few days, and though getting to stay in a small cabin by a lake and have someone else cook me dinner while I get to write all day sounded dreamy, the price tag brought me right back into reality. If you’re like me and can’t afford to go on a formal retreat, why not DIY? Get out of your normal surroundings for the day, turn off your phone, and bring a journal for capturing some thoughts and ideas. For me, it would be a day spent walking the beach with an endless thermos of iced tea, a good podcast or two for creative inspiration in my ears. Inexpensive enough to not break the bank but different enough from the day to day routine to get you thinking outside of your own box.
5. Eat all the fresh summery foods you can find. I love to cook most of the year, but in the summer? Bring on the no-cook meals; they save heat from the oven and time that could otherwise be spent in the park watching a sunset. I’ve started to get creative with my meals in order to be able to spend more time out of the kitchen. On a warm June evening, it doesn’t get much simpler than cold shrimp, raw green beans, beets, carrots, strawberries, and some olives on your plate. If I don’t have to think as much about what I’m eating and can find a way to get my protein, veggies, and healthy fats, it’s a win win.
6. Get outside. I live in New England and we only really get a few months of summer weather a year. Much as I feel addicted to my phone, I do not want to get to the cooler fall weather only to realize that I have spent no time at all immersed in the warmth of summer sunshine. Put away the vacation photos of the girl you used to be friends with in high school and instead open your eyes to what is around you right now.  Touch the coolness of a pink rose petal, put your bare feet in the grass, sip some ice cold hibiscus tea as you look up at the sky. I guarantee you that the views out there are better than anything you’ll see on your iPhone.
7. Bike! Swim! Hike! A recent article I read said that kids needs to have more play time outdoors; the fresh air is good for your lungs, the sunshine good for your body, mind, and spirit, and a healthy amount of physical exertion helps you to sleep better. If this formula is good for kids we care about, why aren’t we heeding the same advice for our precious selves? Find some movement you like to do, grab a friend or two (or if you’re introverted like me, a good podcast!) and get moving and grooving.
8. Get a library card. Remember as a kid when you would go to the library get to pick out books to borrow for reading by the kiddie pool? Is there anything better than getting to take a mental trip through the universe for FREE? I have such wonderful childhood memories of visiting my town’s local library and loading up my weight in dog-eared books into my tote bag, then settling in with a bowl of Doritos (half Cool Ranch, half nacho Cheese flavor. Oh. Yeah.) to crunch and read the day away. Check out some new releases or a favorite series as a kid, grab a snack, and plan to float the afternoon away in pure book bliss.

My biggest creative inspiration, Julia Cameron, says that “Treating yourself like a precious object will make you strong.” How better to take care of ourselves and our sense of imagination than to practice self-care this summer? It’s high time to bow out from the rat race for a few moments (spoiler: it’s not actually a race that is possible for anyone to win) and accept that we all need to rest and recharge from time to time in order to keep dreaming and doing. While other people keep hustling for their self-worth, you can be taking it a bit easier on the “sidelines” for a bit, stretched out in the sun daydreaming, which is where all the really good stuff actually is.
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How about you? Do you have any tips for a summer sabbatical? Feel free to share ideas in the comments! 
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Once upon a time, there was an actress named Melissa who lived in Boston. One evening after her day job, she made her way over to an audition for a local production produced by a local theatre company. She wore her Grandma's wedding anniversary ring on a chain around her neck for good luck and carried with her two monologues that the director has sent, her headshot and resume, and a sense of adventure.  This was the seventh audition she had been to in 2018, and after vowing to get out and about in the field more often and practice her craft, Melissa was feeling pretty darn good.

​When Melissa arrived at the audition (ten minutes early despite having tried to use the wrong door to get inside), she waiting patiently in line behind the other actors. When she made her way up to the front, the kind producer behind the table asked her to fill out an audition form and asked her what song she would be singing tonite.

"Excuse me?" Melissa said.

"What song will you be singing for us tonite? A cappella, of course."  He paused, surely noticing Melissa's deer in the headlights expression.  "We were going to tell people in advance, but the director thought it would be better to ask people when they arrived tonite."

The sense of adventure went right out the window. Melissa was suddenly filled with panic. No, rage. No, fear. No, ALL THE FEELINGS. She looked down at her newly printed headshot. She felt like ripping it in half and walking out. She hadn't sang for an audition in fifteen years. And even then, she wasn't a strong singer; her voice shook, her knees knocked together, and she always left feeling like a loser. It wasn't kind of her to think of herself that way, but there was no denying that was how the experience had made her feel in the past. How could she willingly repeat that experience, one that would surely make her feel like her anxious, shaky teenage self all over again? 

She stood still for just a moment, feeling her feet pressing into the floor, and realized that over the years since her last singing audition, she had learned to become more kind to herself. Melissa had learned to take care of herself in the decade plus since she has last auditioned for Into the Woods at SUNY Geneseo, and as a result, she became her own Fairy Godmother and granted herself permission to leave the audition right away. No one was forcing her to do this, and there was no need to do something that would make her feel like a failure. After all, asking actors to sing a song with no advance notice was not very professional anyway and she wasn't obligated to do it. This was her choice.

Melissa felt her feet pressing into the floor again and took a deep breath in, then exhaled. Melissa had made her decision. She would sleep soundly tonite and all the nights after this one, knowing that she did what she had to do to take care of herself and to be at peace with herself, not just as an actor but as a human being. It wasn’t about what other people wanted her to do, it was about what she wanted to do.

When the producer called her name, Melissa marched into the audition room, shook the director's hand and sang "Moon River" from Breakfast at Tiffany's for all four people on the other side of the casting table. She didn't hit every note perfectly, but she stayed in one key (mostly) and gave it all the heart she had. The most amazing thing was that her knees didn't knock together and her voice didn't shake.  When she walked out, she felt as if she had just skydived: she was still high on the adrenaline from free falling through the air and at the same time, she felt more grounded than ever.

Alright, I am interrupting this in-progress story for a brief newsflash. Spoiler alert: The Melissa in the story is the very same Melissa typing to you right now (what a twist, I know!), and this audition experience actually happened to me this spring.  A director really did spring a singing request on me at an audition and I, a lifelong scared singer and anxious artist, walked in like I owned the place, sang my heart out, and lived to tell the tale. How the heck did this happen? How did I get here?

It hasn’t been an easy journey or a straightforward one, but the explanation is actually quite simple: over the years, I have practiced the art of not giving a f*$k. Or rather, of giving less f*$ks. And most of the time, I didn't even know it. 

You see, in the years since I last sang for an audition, I've gained a stronger sense of self-worth. The kinder view of who I am has been hard won and is not over by any means; through conversations with mentors, meeting friends who shared my love of theatre and creativity, self-help books, meditation, therapy, and a boatload of soul searching, I think I have finally run out of the enormous amount of energy that it requires to hate or shame myself on a regular basis about thing that are supposed to bring me joy. I am starting to accept my perpetual imperfection and to value my enthusiasm and creative courage, and have grown a community of kindred spirits who love and support me for me, not for some talent I do or do not possess. I have taken risks, been down and out, enjoyed a number of successes, and eventually found ways to support myself through the roller coaster ride that is a life. Even in the darkest times, the sun kept rising, and I rose with it, and life moved forward. Progress wasn't obvious but was happening all the same, similar to how we don't often notice day to day differences in the mirror, but can see changes when we look at an old photograph of ourselves. I make tiny inroads into personal peace again and again and again without seeing any difference, until one day, the day of the aforementioned audition, I was able to see just how far I have come in regards to giving less f*cks.  And boy, does it feel GOOD. 

In his book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson explains that we only have so much energy, we only have so many f*cks to give, and when we choose to freak out about every interaction we have, every risk we take, every new goal we strive for, we end up giving away all our energy and all our f*cks. This is exhausting and is certainly not a sustainable way to live, create, or love.

Manson goes on to explain that it’s not about not caring about anything at all, but rather being mindful about what you do choose to give your energy and worry and time to. I love this middle path between not caring at all (is it even healthy to not care at all what any other single person on the planet thinks about you? Doesn't this mean you have a serious emotional issue going on?) and caring so much that you literally lose sleep over something (a recipe for mental and physical health anguish). What if we thought of our ability to care as currency? Would we be willing to hand a lifetime of emotional and spiritual savings over to a stranger who witnessed our clumsy dance audition? What would we be willing to spend our caring on, and how much would we be willing to give?

If I’m honest, I have had a few moments since the singing audition where I have thought “Oh my goodness, four people I don’t know heard me sing a song that I didn’t get the chance to prepare and could be thinking all sorts of bad things about me.” It’s natural to feel that way when we put ourselves out there and take a creative risk and one of the signs of making peace with yourself is realizing that there will be times that the peace comes and goes.

I can also honestly say that I haven’t lost sleep over my audition, called myself a loser like I used to, or felt discouraged to seek out other auditions. I feel brave and a bit more sure of myself, a bit more like myself, and that feels like gold. As Manson says, “Not giving a f*$k does not mean being indifferent; it means being comfortable with being different.” Who couldn’t use more opportunities to be comfortable being you, in all your courageous, creative glory?

Call me corny, but I'm committed to being my own best cheerleader instead of my own worst critic. We often don't realize just how far we've come from the shore where we started until we allow ourselves the moment where we stop paddling like mad and look back to see just how far we have been able to come in this little boat of ours. It’s not about big leaps, but small and steady steps. Experiences like my audition are so important to have because without them, it’s hard to gauge the progress that we’ve made.

And as for what other people think, I don’t really care too much about what those casting folks thought of me; I don’t know them and more importantly, they don’t know me. They don’t know how far I’ve come because they don’t know where I started. It’s not their fault at all, it’s just impossible for us to see things in the same light.

But I do care what certain people think; people in my life who have been dear friends who have loved me and have showered me with encouragement and enthusiasm throughout the years. I told this story to a few of them and they laughed along with me as I described in detail the unfolding of the audition and rejoiced with me at the end. Sharing felt good and nothing at all like failing. It felt like the biggest victory possible.

So my Friends, what are your stories of courage in the face of the critics? How have you grown in compassion for yourself and all that you are and all that you can do? Have you had an “a-ha!” moment when you realized how far your have rowed your little boat out to sea? I would love to hear all about it!

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I hope you had a restorative weekend and are gearing up for a week full of play and possibilities! Five things that have inspired me recently and that I hope might spark something for you, too.  Happy Monday!

1.) I just started listen to the audiobook version of The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and goodness,  it is GOOD. The author also narrates this book that makes the case for why we should consider coming into the present moment more often so that we don't miss the life that is right in front of us. I think this is a book that everyone can benefit from, but more and more, I am convinced that as creative souls, we must continue to seek out as much mindfulness, "boredom", and real life experiences (as opposed to screen time) as possible. Bonus: you can listen to this audiobook for FREE via Hoopla's digital app. 

2.) I love Tara Brach's Buddhist-bent podcast, and this week, she is right on the mark with Part One of her "From Human Doing to Human Being" episode.  Brach emphasizes the importance of being still in order to take a break from our hustling and striving and access our deeper consciousness in order to find peace and joy in the being. A must listen for anyone who needs to expand their toolbox in regards to slowing down and learning to listen to your soul.

3.)  I had the pleasure of being interviewed about my anxiety and how acting onstage actually helps me to stay in the moment and stop the stress cycle for Episode Four of the incredible first season of The Perpetual Visitors Theatre Company's podcast Identity Tales, conceived and hosted by Kate Marple. It was a vulnerable leap to chat about something so personal for me, but I can honestly say that it was freeing, and I have been blown away by the love and support I have been met with from people who have listened. Remember, if you suffer with anxiety or OCD, you are not alone.

4.) Speaking of not being alone, here is a terrific article by Patti Murin, star of Broadway's Frozen who talks opening about her experience of being an actress who also suffers from panic attacks. I am so grateful to the lovely friend of mine who sent this my way this week!

5.) Have you seen This Is America by Childish Gambino yet? It's an intense, haunting piece of art and ever since I watched it for the first time last month, I can't get it out of my mind. Donald Glover is such an incredible, bold, and creatively courageous artist.