THE PERPETUAL VISITOR: Sustainable Creative Living.
  • Blog
  • About Me
  • Things I Teach
  • Things I Make
    • The Book: The Perpetual Visitor
    • Wild Unfolding: and other poems
    • New Bird
    • The Podcast
    • Theatre
    • Film
    • Poetry
  • Contact
  • Blog
  • About Me
  • Things I Teach
  • Things I Make
    • The Book: The Perpetual Visitor
    • Wild Unfolding: and other poems
    • New Bird
    • The Podcast
    • Theatre
    • Film
    • Poetry
  • Contact

Motivation Monday

2/25/2018

1 Comment

 
Picture
When You Want To Read An Interview With a Famous Artist But Don't Have a Lot of Time: Enter The Talks, a website that has hundreds of brief but powerful interviews with artists, actors, musicians, architects, writers, and more.  When I don't have time for a long read but still want substance, I scroll through The Talks and almost always find something that sticks with me. Elisabeth Moss's interview is a great place to start. "I think you also get more confident as you get older. You realize what your strengths and your weaknesses are and you’re more okay with your weaknesses and you value your strengths more. I look forward to being 50 and I’m hoping that I’m as confident as some of the people that I look up to."
​

When You Need Some Sweet Words of Motivation For Your Inner Kid (Which is Really Our Outer Adult in Disguise): Jessica's Daily Affirmations is an oldie but goodie. This short and sweet video has gotten me through guest teaching a workshop, leading a meeting at my day job, and walking into an audition room like I deserve to be there as much as the next actor.  With this girl on your side, there is nothing you can't do!


​When You Need Some Tough Love Advice About Motivation: 
“The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case.”
                                                                                                                                                                   ~Chuck Close


When You Need to Know You Aren't the Only One Who Receives Rejection Letters: I'm in the process of editing the book I wrote about how to pursue creativity every day, and have to admit, it's a daunting task.  To keep myself going, I've taken to reading the many rejection letters written to famous authors who (thankfully) didn't give up. But what is more motivating than rejection letters sent to people that are now well known for their success? Rejection letters sent to everyday artists like me, brilliantly curated at I Heart Rejection Letters.  For some reason, seeing the mass numbers of rejection letters shared openly on this site makes me feel less alone as I experience the process myself. The power of creativity community!
​
When You Need To Get Moving But Don't Feel Like Going to the Gym:  More and more, I believe that an artist needs to use the body she's got, but who says it needs to be on the treadmill at the gym? Dare to break out of the box and get your movement and music shenanigans on in the comfort of your own home. All you need is your favorite tunes, a wooden spoon to use as a microphone, and absolutely no shame. Closing your blinds so that the neighbors cannot see you is optional.  I'd recommend you start with a personal favorite of mine, the legendary Freddie Mercury.
1 Comment

Guest Blog: 3 Steps to Help You Create Like a Mother by Kristy Lenuzza

2/22/2018

1 Comment

 
This week on the blog, I am thrilled to welcome The Perpetual Visitor's first ever guest blogger, Kristy Lenuzza! Kristy is a dear friend and fellow artist who has a gift for the art of communication and creativity. Recently, I asked her to share some thoughts about how to harness your creativity once you become a parent, and I'm so excited for you to read her reflections here!
Picture
When I was a kid, I would fly into my imagination, and the world of make believe like a little animal. I would burrow in the corner of my parents' house and lose myself for hours on end. I was curious and creative and questioning. I once heard that as children, we are either "Oh" children or "Why?" children. I was a "Why?" child. My parents say that any question that I asked, I would always respond to their answer with "Why?". I like to think that this curious and insatiable loop of child interrogation was their birth control. Mom and Dad, you're welcome.  

Once I had kids, this innocent side of myself began to atrophy and eventually dwindled down to a spec of dust buried deep inside.  I felt like this was a sacrifice that came with parenting territory, and so I waffled between feeling guilty and depressed anytime it reared its playful head. My anxiety soared, and so did my alcohol intake. I became consumed with feeling like an ungrateful and selfish person with the added delight of killer hangovers. Aren’t we supposed to think that healthy kids, a partner, and a cozy home is enough? What more do you want? Back on the hamster wheel of guilt with the pop of a wine bottle. Every mom I talked to felt like “this” was just the way it goes. It must be normal, right? Well, the thing was, I didn’t like this normal. Not at all.

So, I took time to sit with the uncomfortable feelings and explored them with care.  I reminded myself of a question a friend had posed to me a decade before. Having just come down from her newlywed high she was dealing with the dilemma of: How do you become two and remain one? At the time, I was living in New York City unwed and free as a bird. I couldn’t fully grasp the magnitude of her question. Now, it’s clear as can be. The difference is my question has turned into: How do you become four and remain one? As I quieted my restless mind and took this in, I realized that all of my anxiety was from fear. Every. Single. Bit. I hated the admittance that I was so concerned with what people would think that I was willing to people please and dismiss my inner tugs in hopes of replacing my voice of guilt with gratitude. What I found out? It don’t work that way. I was letting myself down and it sucked.

But as my intuition strengthened and my throbbing head quieted, my childhood question of “Why?” and my adult question of “How?” merged into “When?” When am I going to stop apologizing for taking time out for myself? I'm not talking about "me time" vegging at a spa, clinking at a ladies night, or nuzzling up with a book on the couch. I'm talking about taking action; doing something for myself that doesn’t feeling like doing anything at all. That soulful action that lights me up like a goddamn Christmas tree. That one thing that brings my childlike spirit to life and floods me with joy.

And that is when I privately dusted off a half-written draft of a screenplay I began years ago and got to work. Raising little humans gave me the courage to flip society’s connotation of selfishness (especially regarding women) on its head.  I needed to walk my talk: More intentional doing; less auto-pilot fat chewing.

I have no idea what will come of the story I'm creating. All I do know is that it brings me solid joy. I am sucked up into a vacuum of a pure timeless flow. It's an off the charts electric feeling. Fifteen minutes, three times a week was my sweet spot of being enough in my comfort zone that I would show up and enough out of my comfort zone that I would grow without the urge to bail. What happened was I found myself wanting even more time - scratch that - craving more time. It was the best déjà vu rush in the world. And, unsurprisingly it made me a better mom without any effort at all. Imagine that.
So, whether your inner itch is writing,  painting, dancing, gardening, distilling, experimenting, picking, or peeling - do it for you; Not for anyone else.

Here is where you will find your original self before jobs and laundry and partners and laundry and kids and sticky floors and hands and nighttime routines and laundry.  Then you may actually begin to embrace these mundane domestic moments in your life. Because the small cracks of space within where creativity hibernates, tend to shoot out beams of light while you’re folding underwear or washing dishes. The only difference now will be acting on it instead of sweeping it under the couch until it surfaces again.

If we allow ourselves to be honest and make it a non-negotiable practice to dedicate fifteen - thirty minutes to ourselves FOR ourselves WITHOUT APOLOGY, I fully believe that we will be shifting the world on its axis in the right direction. We are MOTHERS. We are CREATORS. Let's not have birthing end with babies. Let it begin. We are role models and lovers and energizers and investigators and what if-ers and why not-ers. We are all of them rolled into one badass body, and it's our time to turn self-care into soul-care.

Here are 3 tips to help reignite your soul and send you on your way.

1. Ease up.

Repeat after me: You are not a bad mom if you don’t preface everything with “I love my kids, but….” You can enjoy being on a solo road trip without having to share the playlist or spend time alone in a quiet house without feeling like people are going to judge you as a bad mom.

You know you’re an incredible parent. The difference is, once you permit yourself to do what you love without an emotional guilt trip, your level of Martydrom Mary and Resentful Rita drop to an all-time low. Amen to that!

There will always be an endless to-do list and exorbitant amounts of time to criticize yourself for not completing it. The goal here is to give yourself small reminders to practice self-compassion every day. It’s not about kicking all responsibility to the curb. It’s about making time for yourself as habitual as brushing your teeth. Yes, it’s that important for your health.
Plus, it’s like a little healthy affair with yourself. Only you know about it, and you can see it every day. Find a wink-wink word you post on the fridge or a symbolic visual that you keep as your phone’s wallpaper. (Your kids will be okay not having their face as your lock screen wallpaper, promise. And, no, this does not mean you love them less, no matter what the voices inside or outside your head say.)

Dr. Kristin Neff, the author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, says“Unlike self-criticism which asks if you’re good enough, self-compassion asks,“What’s good for you?” You know deep down what’s good for you; you just have to allow yourself to do it.

So, write for no reason. Paint just because. Collage on a whim. Dance your ass off.  And then maybe, just maybe, that turns into something. A class. A book. A show. An idea. Or not. Maybe it continues only to be your thing that keeps your fire glowing inside. Who knows? But we won't know unless we give ourselves the chance to explore it. You can find the time. Put the phone away, and you'll amaze yourself at the hours that miraculously appear.

2. Wake up.

Once you start committing to what you loved as a kid or that one feeling or idea that keeps itching your heart and won't go away, you're going to start waking up. You’re going to gain perspective and feel the rumble of excitement within. This is what I call the soul-stirrer or shit disturber moment. Same coin different sides.

Your inner critic is going to have a field day and pounce on your every moment of joy. Its job is to be a buzz kill sucking every ounce of pleasure from the restored love of your inner creative life. It thrills itself on shaming you until you're left trembling in the fetal position in a dirty corner. (Which it will then shame you into cleaning said corner.)

In a nutshell, it's out to destroy every ounce of innovative hope inside. Don’t let it. Stop it in its tracks. Name your critic. Draw it out. Take a blank piece of paper (yes, the back of a Target receipt will do) and talk to your critic. Write to it. Draw it as a cartoon. Go abstract. Just get it out. Thank it for sharing and caring; as our self-critics are ultimately there to protect us even if it doesn’t seem it at the time. The minute you make it real, you now have the power back. And, that’s when you can get back to doing what you love.

3. Grow up.

Just like plants, all souls aren't created equal. Maybe you water it daily. Perhaps it’s every other day or even weekly.  You are the only one who knows what is needed to keep your soul growing up and out. Thoughts expand our reality. Take powerful ownership of recognizing this truth. Then, do more of that.  Be honest with yourself. Start small and then go from there. Grab a small notebook and a favorite pen (because nothing beats a favorite pen) and keep it on you at all times.
​

Now that you’ve put your attention on it,  you’ll gleam moments of insight at the most inopportune times. The silver lining? You’re now prepared. The newfound friendship I have made with my car is one to write home about. I used to make a mad dash to any appointment barely on time. I’d be in my head; Email clients? Check. Dry cleaners? Check. Class snacks? Check. Dinner tonight? Shit.

Now, when I arrive early somewhere (that’s right - early), I will spend the time in my car creating dialogue or scenes or character backstory. Maybe it’s 5 minutes; maybe 10. These pockets of time strengthen and stoke my creative fire keeping it growing; while finally making me a powerhouse of punctuality. You may even find that you secretly yearn for the “waiting” time. These are the moments that instead of checking out; you check in. Dentist’s waiting room? Coffee counter? Grocery line? They’re all game.

If we give ourselves 15 - 30 minutes daily or weekly to do something just for us, our kids and the world feel it. We shine brighter than before. We're more grounded in our bodies and vibrant in our space. We're there. We re-find ourselves. Our kids see this. They bear witness to it. They respect it, and they become it. Together we shift the labels and roles that have been embedded in our society so that we can indeed create like a mother.

PicturePhoto credit: Erin Covey Creative



Kristy Lenuzza
 is a writer, speaker, and trainer focused on all things creativity and communications. She lives by three beliefs: That we all need a little help to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves, that the best leaders are the most curious students, and that eavesdropping on strangers' conversations will save the world.  She lives in upstate New York with her family.
​You can subscribe to her weekly blog, Hair Down, Thumbs Up, or visit her site to learn more: www.kristylenuzza.com

1 Comment

Social Media Substitutions: Break Free and Make Something That Matters

2/21/2018

1 Comment

 
Picture
Photo by Randall Bruder on Unsplash

This winter, I have been spending more and more time curled up inside, wearing my pajamas, snuggled up beneath the covers, with my cat close by, cuddled up with my... phone. Or computer. It just doesn't have the same ring as "cuddled with a good book", does it? And guess what? It doesn't feel as good either.

I have longed chalked up my tech habits as being normal and acceptable, but recently, I came across a definition of the word "addiction" that shook me.  According to Psychology Today:
ADDICTION:  A condition that results when a person ingests a substance (for example, alcohol, cocaine, nicotine) or engages in an activity (such as gambling, sex, shopping) that can be pleasurable but the continuation of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary responsibilities and concerns, such as work, relationships, or health. 
I couldn't be addicted to technology, could I? It only took this simple definition to get me to realize otherwise.

My tech habits causing me to stay up later, the blue light causing my body to produce less melatonin for deep quality sleep?

My tech habits that cut down on time in conversation with my husband as we eat dinner?

​My tech habits that lure me away from a productive writing session, with promises of likes, comments, and correspondence?

It hits me. Whoa. I am addicted. 

Like many of us, I can while away hours each day on my devices and at the same time feel frustrated that at the end of the day, I didn't have enough time for the things I want to do more of. Read, write, take a walk, cook, craft, hell, even just lay on my couch staring the ceiling.  And while I often feel like it might just me me who gives away precious time on my phone, it turns out that it's most of us. According to Tech Crunch, the average American spends a whopping five hours a day on a mobile device. This might sound crazy, but on the days I've tracked my own usage with the Space app, and this number is not far off. 

This 24/7 fight for our attention is not good for anyone, and I believe that it affects creative folks in a way that is particularly devastating. Where our civilization was once more conducive to drinking a cup of tea in a cafe unencumbered by emails,  people watching as we walked through the city streets without the distraction of texting at the same time, and spending time in nature unbound by the panic to be connected, it's now harder than ever to swim against the attention stealing tide of technology and reclaim our time. 

But hard does not equal impossible, and I've been heartened by research that examines how to break addiction and resist the temptation for instant gratification  Particularly compelling are Walter Mischel's experiments with resisting temptation at Stanford University in the 1970's  which involved groups of young children seeing if they could resist eating a single marshmallow that was put in front of them for a few minutes in order receive two marshmallows at a later time. The study shed light on our natural inclination to receive instant gratification as often as we can, as well as our ability to strengthen the ability to resist much like you would a muscle at the gym.  The study went on to show, that strengthening this muscle (the children not eating the marshmallow) doesn't involve what we think of as classic willpower, but focuses on the successful strategy of distracting ourselves in some way in order to give the urge to eat the marshmallow (or check your email one more time) time to pass.

Based on this strategy, I've started experimenting with positive distractions that will help me cut down on the time I am spending on technology and gain a bit more autonomy over my mind, imagination, and creative energy. Being a baker,  the clearest way for framing my observations came in the form of minute to minute substitutions. Here's what I found:





20 Minutes of Facebook Equals:
​​
  • Reading 14 pages of a good book
  • Memorizing 6 lines of Shakespeare
  • Listening to half a podcast
  • Taking a leisurely one mile walk or a brisk run
  • Making myself a salad for dinner (and one for lunch)
  • Taking a hot Epsom salt bath
  • Writing one Motivation Monday blog post 
  • Having a brief catch-up phone call with a far-away friend
  • Watching 1/6 of a really good movie
​Do these substitutions seem earth shattering? Not at first glance; I mean who thinks in terms of 1/6 of a movie? However, if we expand these substitutions based on 40 minutes of Facebook or 120 minutes of Twitter, they quickly add up to entire monologues memorized, races run, books read, and movies watched. Once we see these more concrete, complete substitutions for time spent online, it makes it harder to forfeit these things to the alternative--answering every last email or scrolling through your high school acquaintance's photos from her Jamaican vacation.  Writing down these positive distractions helps me to see how minutes quickly add up to hours, which add up to days, weeks, month, and years. In the end, all these things add up to a life. A life I would rather spent watching one new movie on a Saturday night instead of scrolling on  my phone for 120 minutes. 

It can be exhausting to think about the attention, mindfulness, and sheer will that it would take to do this for a day or a week. How would we then aim to live the rest of our lives with this kind of deliberateness? Again, enter psychology: the more often we commit to practicing a new habit, the easier it will stick over time and become less like pushing a boulder up a mountain and more automatic.  

Your turn. I double digital dare you to set a timer for 20 minutes, and see what the act of paying attention to something other than your device does for you.  It's easy to wish for more hours in the day, but the truth is, there are already more than we would know what to do with if we start being more proactive stewards of our energy.  We only get one life and a finite amount of attention to invest in it. Let's power down our phones, and start spending our precious energy in a way that lights us up instead. 
1 Comment

Motivation Monday: Six Books To Kickstart Your Creativity

2/19/2018

1 Comment

 
Picture

Are you in need of a good book to jump start your inner artist? This week, I'm sharing a few of my favorite books that never fail to inspire me, and a couple that I recently added to my reading list.  

1. Her Again: Becoming Meryl Streep ​by Michael Schulman
"Can I just say? There is no such thing as the best actress. There is no such thing as the greatest living actress. I am in a position where I have secret information, you know, and I know this to be true."
​
 -Meryl Streep ​
 I was gifted this book by a dear friend and was immediately engrossed in this behind the scenes story of the early years of the actress who has been nominated for a record 21 Academy Awards. It's easy to assume that Meryl Streep was always the poised, confident, and powerhouse actress that we know today, but like every  human being and artist, she is so much more than meets the eye, and this candid portrait of her endeared her even more.  If you're like me and often believe that you must make it to the top of the mountain, that you must find the secret, then this book is for you.   
​
 2. ​ What I Know Now ​edited by Ellyn Spragins
"Please yourself first...everything else follows."
​-Macy Gray
This book was also a gift from a friend and is the ideal read if you are short on time and are looking for brief essays that pack a powerful punch. Women from all walks of life, including Madeline Albright, Maya Angelou, Vanna White, and Macy Gray were interviewed in regards to what they wish they could tell their younger self. It's honest, real, and has really helped me cultivate some compassion for my younger and present self. ​
3. ​Big Magic ​by Elizabeth Gilbert
"You do not need anyone's permission to live a creative life."
​-Elizabeth Gilbert
Liz Gilbert's book reads like a manifesto for grabbing life by the horns and making it your own, right here and now. Not only will these essays inspire you to write that book, sing that song, and dance as wild as you want, it will also encourage you to expand your definition of what it means to live a creative life.  An artistic life isn't confined to the page or stage; it means allowing yourself to express your authentic self and not be afraid of what others will think of your journey, which in the end, is yours. 
4. On Writing​ by Stephen King
"I remember an immense feeling of possibility...as if I had been ushered into a vast building filled with closed doors and had been given leave to open any I liked."
-Stephen King
I just picked this up from the Boston Public Library last week and am already hooked. Like me, you may know King as the author of 56 novels, but what you may not have realized is that his successful writing career has also been punctuated by teaching high school and working at a laundry business, while writing in the evenings and weekends, and battling alcoholism over the years. Half memoir and half of what he calls a "toolbox" for writers, the book promises to go deeper than the glamour and fame of artists we know and admire, and reveal the real and raw human beings beneath the surface.  
5. Rising Strong by Brené Brown
"The most dangerous stories we make up are the narratives that diminish our inherent worthiness. We must reclaim the truth about our lovability, divinity, and creativity."
-Brené Brown
Brené Brown has long been a favorite storyteller and researcher of mine, and this book digs deep into the how of getting back up on our feet after we fall, fail, or forget how strong we really are. It's full of stories from her own life and the life of people just like you and I, seeking belonging and connection with our family, friends, and community, and is a vital reminder that artists are also human and our ability to create and dream relies on a sturdy foundation of knowing just how worthy we are of being in this world. 
6. Manage Your Day-to-Day: Build Your Routine, Find Your Focus, & Sharpen Your Creative Mind edited by Jocelyn K. Glei
"You have a choice in where you direct your attention. choose wisely. The world will wait. And if it's important, they'll call back."
-James Victore
I am feeling the tech and information overload pretty acutely these days, and while I don't need more convincing that excessive screen time hinders our ability to live a life that is free from distraction and rich in connection, I do need to learn more tools for taming my tech habits. Enter this little gem, sent via snail mail from one of my friends on the West Coast. Short essays by Gretchen Rubin, Seth Godin, and Lori Deschene provide concrete strategies to help us get unstuck from our devices and craft a way of life that allows us the time we crave to create what we want to in the world.  And who couldn't use that kind of assistance?  
1 Comment
<<Previous

    Author

    My name is Melissa and I'm an actor, playwright, author, filmmaker, and teaching artist who wants to help you discover, cultivate, and care for your creativity. 
     
    What does being creative mean to you?

    How do you play every day?

    This is a space for taking a break, a breath,  and finding ways to flex our imagination and find the joy where we can. 

    ​No one is going to present us with a ready made creative life--we have  to step up and gift it to ourselves. I'm so glad you're here.

    Categories

    All
    Artist Dates
    Creative Recharge
    Creative Risks
    Motivation Monday
    Persistence
    Play
    Success
    Theatre
    Tiny Tips For Creativity
    Whole Artist
    Writing

    Archives

    December 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    March 2022
    January 2022
    November 2021
    August 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    August 2020
    July 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013

    Want to get blog posts delivered right to your inbox? Sign up to receive The Perpetual Visitor below and never miss creative conversation!

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.