How can you be a little more playful today?

How could holding life a little looser help to ease some tension?

It could be dancing in your kitchen while you cook.

Humming a song while you work.

Imagining yourself as the heroine of the movie as you face that challenge today.

Wearing something bright, as a way to say “I’m here!” Drawing on a fake mustache and taking some funny selfies.

There is no award for being so serious all the time.

There won’t be any prize for never taking a break.

But offering yourself time to imagine, play, and loosen? Oh, there are infinite possibilities in that space. Possibilities for well being, mental and physical, creativity, healing, and for experiencing yourself and the world in a brand new way.

I dare you: Allow yourself to feel heavy, guilty, unsure, and even cynical about loosening up.

Then go ahead and do it anyway. As you build your trust in being able to be more playful and at the same time, understand that loosening doesn’t equate to running away but rather being even more present and offering yourself something sweet and helpful in the moment, you just might discover a different way to live.
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Anyone else have any wisdom to offer about loosening your grip and actually finding more peace and joy? 💕

Last year, I saw this on one of the office doors in the Performing Arts Department at the college where I teach. 

I LOVE this. I've heard it said recently that anyone can go through hell and come out having learned nothing, having not gained a deeper sense of love and compassion. Suffering does not automatically equal wisdom. It's possible to suffer and become bitter and jaded.I think we have all heard someone we know talk a big game about having become wise through a break-up, lost job, or disappointment, and yet their words are still spoken through a clenched jaw; it is clear to see the anger and rage nearly boil over at that moment.

​Rage is natural. Anger is necessary. And yes, even bitterness is part of the palette of human emotions. I need to feel these things and suspect you do, too. But there's a difference between allowing them to blow through, throw us off course for a time, and letting them steer us back to a place of deeper determination and love, and simply being eaten alive by the suffering these feelings can cause.

Whenever I find myself a bit quick to prove my suffering has made me wise, it's a moment to pause.

What haven't I worked through yet?

What am I trying to rush?

What am I trying to hide?

I wrote the first draft of my book during a time when I had a day job that was not healthy for me, and so much of that first version was full of anger. It was so necessary for me to express and the very act of writing it out each day was a release that helped me get through that toxic time.

But when I reread the draft a few years later, I realized that it wasn't all that interesting. The anger on its own, without being crystallized into something representing action, hope, and curiosity about what the future might hold, felt pretty boring. So I thanked the past Melissa that had the wherewithal to essentially journal her feelings each day and essentially save her sanity that way, and scrapped that draft. I started over.

We absolutely need to feel all the painful feelings. There's no getting to tenderness without this step. But let's not forget that tenderness is the place to get to. It is easy to stay angry. To grow bitter. 

But to go through hell and come out singing? What a beautiful possibility.

P.S.: And when you are feeling rage? I highly suggest a loud sing along of Totally Fucked from Spring Awakening. It is my go-to song for getting all the angry feels expressed in a way that helps me to feel better afterwards. 

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Philip Seymour Hoffman has always been one of my favorite actors and though Almost Famous  is by no means a favorite movie of mine, his performance as rock critic Lester Bangs is one for the books. I came across this quote today and must admit that I have been feeling pretty uncool lately. I feel overwhelmed, a little more uninspired than usual, and generally wiped out. I don't feel "on" or ready or presentable  or particularly clever or creative at the moment, and as a result, have been feeling like the most vulnerable version of myself.  I have faith this feeling will pass (as feelings do), but boy,  it feels tough in the meanwhile. 

Wisdom and hope isn't easily found online, but this quote (and the movie clip containing it below) made me feel just a little more hope. Maybe it's in our uncool moments, when we feel a little lost and wobbly, that we have the best chance of being a real human being capable of connecting to and feeling compassion for all the other uncool souls out there. It's easy to tell yourself you're the only one, but the truth is, there's a whole community of uncool out there; we're in good company.

Wishing you a week where you give yourself permission to not be put together all the time.

Wishing you patience with riding out whatever emotional wave you might be surfing right now.

​May you mind these tender moments while they are here, and practice staying with them long enough to see what kind of magic might come of them.