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  • Blog
  • About Me
  • Things I Teach
  • Things I Make
    • The Book: The Perpetual Visitor
    • Wild Unfolding: and other poems
    • New Bird
    • The Podcast
    • Theatre
    • Film
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Passion vs. Practice

5/26/2014

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"Passion is a tower of flame, but curiosity is a tiny tap on the shoulder — a little whisper in the ear that says, "Hey, that's kind of interesting…"

Passion is rare; curiosity is everyday.

Curiosity is therefore a lot easier to reach at at times than full-on passion — and the stakes are lower, easier to manage.

The trick is to just follow your small moments of curiosity. It doesn't take a massive effort. Just turn your head an inch. Pause for a instant. Respond to what has caught your attention. Look into it a bit. Is there something there for you? A piece of information?

For me, a lifetime devoted to creativity is nothing but a scavenger hunt — where each successive clue is another tiny little hit of curiosity. Pick each one up, unfold it, see where it leads you next.

Small steps.

Keep doing that, and I promise you: The curiosity will eventually lead you to the passion."
                                                                                                   
                                                                                                        ~Elizabeth Gilbert

I have spent so much time thinking that I needed to feel moved by passion to work on a project. I would get an idea, and feeling so emotional about it, throw myself in full force for hours at a time, even days, or weeks at a time. But inevitably, the passion would start to die away, and I spent less and less time on the project until it was often left unfinished. What was wrong? I would think. I had such passion, and now that the passion is gone, I don't feel like working on the project. 


We tend to hear almost mythic-like tales about our favorite actors, artists, and musicians: that they were moved by passion to write the symphony, or that they were carried through the writing of a novel by feeling alone. It's enough to make you feel quite discouraged--if I can't sustain this kind of passion, how will I ever make anything? What am I do wrong?


It wasn't until I began reading several articles on creativity and motivation that a new question began to emerge. Should it be passion or practice that drives our creative work? Now don't get me wrong. You need to feel passionate about a project to want to begin. But I think it's a myth that artists wake up in the morning, always eager to get to work and vaulted along by inspiration. For me, some days of working on a project feel like trying to persuade a dog to go to the vet. The problem is,  somedays I just don't feel like it. And I used to assume those days were not meant to be days I needed to work. But the idea is to develop a practice, one you return to again and again, when you feel the passion and when you don't. 

I've learned that developing my practice has been more meaningful and productive than developing my passion. For me, this means setting aside 30 minutes a day and showing up to do the work, even on days when I don't feel like it. And it's amazing how much work gets done in these 30 minutes.  It should be said that I do battle with my perfection monster during these brief sessions (see previous post on perfection here) who tries her best to discourage me.  But our job as artists is to feel that tension and move forward anyway. 

Don't let perfection affect your practice and don't be fooled into relying on passion alone. Practice doesn't make perfect, but it does lead to progress. Wishing you a good practice this week!



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A Few of My Favorite Links

5/24/2014

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I am going to keep it short and sweet this time--here are some of my favorite links and videos this week from around the web--Happy Saturday!

1. LOVED this article from the Atlantic about the need for more non-white, non-male storytellers 

2. Is your desk messy or clean? An interesting article about what your desk says about productivity and creativity

3.  Should Shakespeare come with a warning label? (and other thoughts on introducing students to potentially traumatic material in schools)

4. One of my favorite Facebook feeds to follow, which is a collection of portraits and stories of Bostonians

5. This lip sync battle performance by Stephen Merchant made my week, it's amazing, and encompasses the willingness to be vulnerable and silly!
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Drought

5/20/2014

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End of the day in Anza-Borrego Desert State Park; Borrego-Springs, CA
"In times of creative drought, the only solution is to keep putting one foot in front of the other, to keep on slogging creatively, to keep moving toward a distant horizon. We are like people crossing a vast desert. Water lies ahead and not behind. It lies in our future and not in our present. We must move towards it when every foot-fall seems a mockery. And why must we keep on moving?

We must keep moving because all droughts end. The parched earth is slaked by rain, and the parched creative spirit is slaked, too, when the long months of forced work give way suddenly to the verdant flowering of inspiration."
                                                                                                                              
                                                                                                                      ~Julia Cameron, from The Sound of Paper

Julia Cameron is one of my favorite writers on the subject of creativity. I have always loved the quote above about creative and spiritual droughts,  and when I was in California and hiking in the desert this past spring, I truly saw the wisdom of those words. Once my husband and I had completed a hike to the much anticipated Palm Canyon, we sat for awhile and enjoyed the lovely shade and refreshing water trickling its way through the trees and rocks. 

After a good long rest, we started back.  We had taken the “Alternative Trail” as it was marked, as a way of trying to avoid a group of loud tourists and their children behind us. After a few minutes, we realized that to our dismay, the alternative trail was neither more scenic nor more interesting. No, it turned out to simply be longer than the original trail. We could see the trailhead in the distance and the longer we walked, the farther away it seemed to get. So we walked and walked and at one point stopped, turned to each and said “Hmm. This isn’t what we expected at all."  My instinct was to go back. To turn back the way we came, retrace our steps and get back to the safe place beneath the palms. But there was no point in doing that; because the way things looked, at least to me, we were about equidistant from the Palm Canyon and the trailhead where we started. So what would be the point of doubling back only to get to the Palm Canyon again, which lovely as it was, was not any closer to where we wanted to be which was at our car driving home?

So needless to say, we were just as far lost as we were found. We kept going. I was tired, it was about 85 degrees, with no humidity. Every breath dried my mouth out to dust, and made me realize how accurate the phrase “dry as a desert” actually is. We kept walking, we went on because we had to. What were we going to do? Sit down where we were? We would be rested yes, but also run of of water, food, and just be left there, in the middle of the desert trail, with no supplies, and eventually no energy. We walked on because we had to, because that’s the only way to get out of the desert, to walk out of it. Yes, you take precautions along the way, you don’t tire yourself out too much, and you be sure to be mindful of the supplies you have with you and the time you think it will take you to make it out. But you walk on. 

So much throughout my 20’s,  I've had a habit of seeing my younger, artistic self as this idealized version of who I wanted to be again.  And I spent a good chunk of my twenties desperately trying to get back to this place. I need to “get back”. I’d say to myself. I have to get back in shape, to return to where I was!  This idea of getting back or retracing your steps in order to make it back to a place that doesn't exist anymore is crippling. I felt completely lost and it was only when I moved down to Virginia, (as much as I didn't see the move as a way of furthering my involvement in the arts), that I realized that there was no going back, only going forward. And I distinctly remember sitting in the moving truck, driving through West Virginia well after midnight. I stared at the dashboard, flipping through radio stations (what can you expect at 2 AM in West Virginia radio land?), and thinking I have to do something about this. I needed to move ahead. I was literally driving into new territory, unsure of what lay further up the road, but feeling that what was past was gone for good. I couldn't simply turn the truck around and go back to college. And even if I drive back to the physical campus, the place I had idealized in my mind, me at 21, was only a ghost, nowhere to be found in reality. 

I had to go on, see where I could go. And that journey was one of the best trips I’ve taken. I met my partner with whom I founded a small theatre company, along with an amazing community of women and theatre artists, and we did something that mattered. And in a lot of ways, now having graduated from Emerson and having been a resident of the “real world”, I find myself at that crossroads once again. Backwards or forwards? The truth is I can stand here and debate forever, but I can’t stand here too long wishing. I have to move ahead, to walk on. I must.

Do you find that a creative drought for you is also a spiritual drought? Any tips for navigating the desert?
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Anza-Borrego Desert State Park trailhead
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Anza-Borrego Desert State Park; Borrego-Springs, CA
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Unmasked!

5/10/2014

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“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.'’"
                                                                     ~Maya Angelou



I don't wish self-doubt and anxiety on anyone, but when I found the quote above and realized that one of the writers and women I respect the most has also experienced the sensation of feeling like a fraud at some point, I                                                                                                breathed something like a sigh of relief-I'm not alone!

I have often had this odd feeling that I'm fooling people into thinking I am capable of doing something that I'm afraid I'm not. This feeling has cropped up in auditions, work situations, creative endeavors, and even friendships.  Have you ever felt like this? It comes in many forms. 

"It's opening night, how did I end up getting cast? I can't do this; I don't know how to act." Or "I got hired to teach this class because I have a degree in Theatre Education. Oh no, they are going to be really disappointed when they find out I'm not as good at this as I should be."

This nagging feeling is technically called Impostor Syndrome. According to a recent article in Psychology Magazine, "While not an officially diagnosable disorder, the imposter syndrome is a term used to describe feelings of not deserving what we achieve. We discount our success as the result of luck or being nice or even our own manipulation, and we live in constant fear of being unmasked as a fraud or an imposter."

It is easy for me to be lured into thinking that earning a degree, getting a promotion, finishing a project, teaching a class will give me enough credibility to keep this fear at bay, but ironically (or perhaps fittingly), the more milestones of credibility and competence I reach, the more I tend to feel like I've raised the stakes for being "found out" as a fraud. The previously mentioned  article in Psychology Today magazine describes this sort of mirage of success:

"One thing is certain: More success and more awards do not always bring the self-assuredness we seek. In fact, the imposter in us may feed on them. The question may not be whether we always deserve what we achieve, or even if we achieve what we deserve, but rather if we can learn to live with the discomfort inherent in the questions rather than run too quickly to one side or the other."
 
Speaking of articles, there are so many pieces that have been written on Imposter Syndrome that I have found recently--it's been a nice stroke of synchronicity in my quest to learn more about this frustrating but fascinating phenomenon:http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/creative-synthesis/201304/face-your-imposter
http://www.forbes.com/sites/margiewarrell/2014/04/03/impostor-syndrome/
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/05/health/05_mind.html?_r=0
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/caroline-dowdhiggins/impostor-syndrome_b_1651762.html


Happy Saturday!

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    Author

    My name is Melissa and I'm an actor, playwright, author, filmmaker, and teaching artist who wants to help you discover, cultivate, and care for your creativity. 
     
    What does being creative mean to you?

    How do you play every day?

    This is a space for taking a break, a breath,  and finding ways to flex our imagination and find the joy where we can. 

    ​No one is going to present us with a ready made creative life--we have  to step up and gift it to ourselves. I'm so glad you're here.

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