THE PERPETUAL VISITOR: Sustainable Creative Living.
  • Blog
  • About Me
  • Things I Teach
  • Things I Make
    • The Book: The Perpetual Visitor
    • Wild Unfolding: and other poems
    • New Bird
    • The Podcast
    • Theatre
    • Film
    • Poetry
  • Contact
  • Blog
  • About Me
  • Things I Teach
  • Things I Make
    • The Book: The Perpetual Visitor
    • Wild Unfolding: and other poems
    • New Bird
    • The Podcast
    • Theatre
    • Film
    • Poetry
  • Contact

My Annual Artistic 5K

7/26/2016

1 Comment

 
Picture
A pre-race me, excited to be very clearly identifying myself as a theatre nerd.
I'm not a runner. Scratch that. I can run, but I usually don't enjoy it very much. The one time of year that I do get all giddy running is my (nearly) annual participation in a 5K race that's part of a summer festival in  my husband's very small hometown in Upstate NY.  I attended the race as a spectator for about a decade before I decided to try to run it myself. I first ran it in 2013 (see What Are You Willing To Give Up post HERE) and despite my anxiety about it, found it to be really exhilarating.

My father-in-law organizes the race every year, and my husband and friends of ours also run, so each race feels  more and more like a really unexpected tradition with people I love. I also appreciate how everyone in the town comes out to watch the race, both on street corners and from their porches. They cheer you on with clapping, water, and even an occasional sprinkler to cool you off mid-race! There really is something about joining a group of a hundred people who are all doing the same thing that feels kind of special.

As with all races I've run, I start off giddy with anticipation. This year, despite not having run much in preparation for the race, I wore my new Will Power! Shakespeare tank top (a birthday gift from my husband) and had the soundtrack of Hamilton downloaded onto my phone.  I felt totally motivated. When the starting bell went off, my heart took off pounding in my chest and I grinned like an idiot as I ran with my signature slow and clunky stride and wasted most of my lung power singing along to the music. The exhilaration lasted about 2 minutes before I stopped running and started walking up the first HUGE hill that greets you during the first leg of the race. Ugg. 

By now, you might be asking yourself "Why did she put herself through this?" Believe me, at this point in the race, I was also asking myself "Why did you put yourself through this?" At this point in the race, running always seems like a terrible idea. I regret it, I consider stopping, I curse the sweat starting to run into my eyes, and I feel my already flushed face go even redder when I realize that I'm nearly the last person in the pack and it's not even five minutes in. But I keep going.

See, I believe that I'm drawn to running this annual 5K so much because it's symbolic of the artistic race I feel like I'm running when I work on a creative project. Think about it. When I run, I start excited, then I wonder why I chose to do this in the first place, and after that, I ride a physical and emotional roller coaster that lasts long after the race is over. 

I realized a few years back that this crazy ride is similar to the one I take when I work on a new play, prepare for a role, or plot a new endeavor. For me, coaching myself through a 5K becomes a physical and mental meditation on what it means to start making something and see it through to the end. 

When I sprint at the very start of the race, I am reminded of how energizing it feels to start a new project. I feel excited, thrilled. Walking up a huge hill reminds me that even when the climb gets tough, there's a way to slow down and keep going at the same time. As my legs alternate from burning so much that I think I have to stop, and feel so light and easy that I believe I could run a marathon, I realize how many times the creative process throws us to and fro--sometimes we feel like we could conquer the world and the making comes easy.  Other times, we find ourselves having to coach ourselves through the hard moments and avoid quitting altogether.  I've also realized that during the whole thing, it's a must to be your own friend. I've traded in my old "Come on, lazy! You think you can't keep going?" for a much gentler (and more effective) "Melissa, you can do this! I'm right here with you."

I came in among the last of the runners, but I didn't care. By that time, the giddy feeling I had at the beginning came back around. And yes, I crossed the finish line singing "I am not throwing away my shot" as the Battle Of Yorktown blared into my earbuds--special shout out to Lin-Manuel Miranda and the company of Hamilton for singing me all the way to the end!

For me, running this race is about proving to myself that we often meet walls in our artistic (and personal) lives that we believe cannot be permeated. Running has shown me that the magic happens when we allow ourselves to feel stuck, tired, and frustrated and KEEP GOING ANYWAY. Yes, it feels good to start off sprinting, smiling and without a care, but it's a whole different brand of joy to experience what it feels like to keep moving through that wall and to come out on the other side. 
​
Here's my favorite graphic of what a race and an artistic endeavor feels like, from start to finish. Do you agree?​
Picture
Even in the middle of the race, breathing hard, my legs on fire, I honestly did feel a deep gratitude to be doing something that allowed me to grapple with the age old process of starting and finishing something you feel is meaningful. 

Is there a tradition that YOU have that helps you believe that dancing with your struggles can be just as joyful as achieving victory at the finish line? As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

P.S: Thank you to everyone who came out to Trident Booksellers and Cafe on July 12th for my Eat Pray Love Made Me Do It book talk! I had an absolutely glorious time with the small but generous group of readers that came out for the event. We had a such good conversation about why stories give us permission to accept and be our true selves, the power of sharing your own story and what it means to be curious about yourself and the world. I hope I get the chance to do a similar event again soon.  So. much. FUN! Below is a photo of me with The Perpetual Visitors Theatre Company Co-Artistic Director Kate Marple and I after the event. She was a wonderful co-host!
Picture
1 Comment

A Blog About ZEST

7/12/2016

2 Comments

 
Picture
"It was not an easy ascent, but even in the struggle at its hardest there was a delight and a zest known only to those who aspire to the heights."
-
Lucy Maud Montgomery, ​The Alpine Path
As I look forward to my Eat Pray Love Made Me Do It book event tonite at Trident Books in Boston, I feel so many Big Feelings. 

Fear. Will anyone show up?
Anxiety. What if I stumble over my words and forget what I want to say?
Excitement. I can't believe I get to do this! 
Wonder. Never in a million years did I expect to be in a real bookstore talking to real people about something real that I wrote. The stuff of childhood dreams.
Doubt. I'm reading my essay aloud. What if people think it stinks and that I'm a fraud?

And yes, even amidst the customary terror that grips me during creative climbs such as this one is that zest, that delight, that Lucy Maud Montgomery articulates so well in the quote above. I think at the end of the day, I have to keep asking myself: is the fear and doubt and anxiety of making something and then showing it to people really worth it? 

Pause. Yes. For me, it still is. Woven throughout with the fear is the delight of creating. As long as it's still there, I will keep my bargain to let the fear tag along for the ride. And what a wild freaking ride that is. 

Another fear that tugs at me whenever I get to perform or write or share something with people is: "What if this is the LAST time this ever happens? What if you are never cast in a show (asked to teach a workshop, asked to be a guest blogger, get the chance to write a play) EVER AGAIN?"

Do you ever hear this voice in your own head? Do you hate it as much as I do? Admittedly, I've kind of given up on getting it to go away, and now I just co-exist with it, as if it's the annoying neighbor that rents space inside of my brain during times like this. We're stuck with each other, so we had better find some way to get along. 

Is it possible that this book event at Trident tonite might be the LAST TIME EVER that I get the chance to share something I made? Of course it could be. Will I get the chance to share something I made 1,000 more times in the future? It's possible. But where I prefer to float on this big river of speculation is right down the middle: True, I might not get another 1,000 chances like this one, but I'm probably not looking at my last opportunity either.

So what do you do when you are trying to experience something like it's the first and last time you might get to live through it, but not make it so rarefied in your own mind that you can't just let go at some point and simply let the joy of the moment sink in?

I wish I had my own personal Yoda right now to help me with this ever-evolving quandary. But so far, he hasn't show up and it's up to me to fashion a game-plan for tonite. I'm going to keep breathing, be grateful for the family and friends who are planning to be there to support me, and try to let myself feel all the Big Feelings. Fear. Love. Excitement. Doubt. Wonder. And zest. Always that zest, even (and maybe especially) when your creative footing isn't as steady as you had imagined it would be. Unsteady as you might feel, you must remind yourself that you're still climbing--that's what counts. 

Wishing each and every one of you a Zesty Tuesday!
2 Comments

Tiny Tips for Creativity #4: Unplug

7/10/2016

1 Comment

 
Picture
I am sure  that the idea of unplugging sounds not only cliche, but pretty darn obvious when it comes to advice about recharging.  Well, I am certainly in support of getting away from electronic devices of all kinds when you are trying to recharge and get your creative juices flowing, but I am actually starting to think of unplugging in a bit of a different way. One that doesn't necessarily involve leaving your phone off or shutting down your laptop. 

I recently sat on my couch listening to a full Nada Surf set during one of their visits to the local Seattle radio station via YouTube on our computer, and as I sat there tapping my toes along with the music as my cat lazily lunged nearby, I realized that it has been a long time, years perhaps, since I had simply put on music and just listened. I listen to music nearly every day, you see, but it's usually while I'm commuting, cooking, cleaning---doing anything else other than just simply listening. The other common scenario is that I start to listen to music, and then slowly but surely am lured into looking up reviews of the album online or scanning Wikipedia for history of the band. True, being led by your curiosity about a band, movie, or book isn't a bad thing at all, but for me, it tends to become a distraction in the moment. 

In the midst of our busy, busy, busy, multi-tasking lives, it seems like it should go without saying to stop and smell the roses, artistically speaking. But it still feels a little bit like rebellion when we do. Give it a try. Here's some ideas:
  • Watch a movie. Turn off your phone so you're not temped to Google the actors, director, or production history. Just watch. 
  • Go to an art museum and don't take any photographs or post to Facebook or Twitter. Just be there. 
  • Take a long walk and listen to a new album as you stroll. No Facebook checking allowed.
  • Read an old fashioned book instead of a Kindle if you are tempted to flip from title to title. As with a movie, leave your phone off and away so you aren't tempted to start reading reviews or checking who has been cast in the upcoming movie version. 

It feels silly to even type those suggestions, but I for one need the reminders about disconnecting from the hustle and bustle of the inter webs and texts and calls.  It's not easy to do, but as with many habits that we try to break, when we are able to step away from our gadgets, I suspect that we will be delighted and surprised to find how quickly and deeply we can get sucked into a good story, a new (or old) movie, or a symphony. And it's often when we are at our most focused and relaxed that art has the most magical ability to allow us to see past the veil of the everyday and understand a bit more about who we are and what we want to experience in this world. Only when we can meditate deeply on these things is it possible to also think about what we can offer each other, as humans and artists. 

Wishing you a Sunday where you truly see, listen, feel, and imagine with nothing in the way. 
1 Comment

    Author

    My name is Melissa and I'm an actor, playwright, author, filmmaker, and teaching artist who wants to help you discover, cultivate, and care for your creativity. 
     
    What does being creative mean to you?

    How do you play every day?

    This is a space for taking a break, a breath,  and finding ways to flex our imagination and find the joy where we can. 

    ​No one is going to present us with a ready made creative life--we have  to step up and gift it to ourselves. I'm so glad you're here.

    Categories

    All
    Artist Dates
    Creative Recharge
    Creative Risks
    Motivation Monday
    Persistence
    Play
    Success
    Theatre
    Tiny Tips For Creativity
    Whole Artist
    Writing

    Archives

    December 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    March 2022
    January 2022
    November 2021
    August 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    August 2020
    July 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013

    Want to get blog posts delivered right to your inbox? Sign up to receive The Perpetual Visitor below and never miss creative conversation!

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.