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All the World's a Stage: Life Lesson #5

11/1/2014

4 Comments

 
Life Lesson #5: Get Comfortable With Fear

I
f you missed any previous posts in this series, you can find Life Lesson #1: Show Up With What You Have and Use It Well HERE, Life Lesson #2: Everyone Matters HERE, Life Lesson #3: Be Playful and Laugh at Yourself HERE, and Life Lesson #4: Give Yourself What You Need to Do Your Best HERE. 
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No matter how many times I've acted in a play, I still experience intense fear before every performance. Anyone who assumes actors don't feel fear is dead wrong. My fear is heart-pounding, cold sweat, light-headed, tingling fear that hijacks my whole body. I silently stand in the dark, paralyzed with my fears of forgetting lines, messing up blocking, or shaking too badly to be able to continue with the play.  Being onstage is essentially like being emotionally naked in front of a large group of people. You are vulnerable and there is nowhere to hide. 

This play was no exception, I felt all these things each night before I went on. But I did have a moment on opening night when I was able to recognize how familiar this fear was. I'd felt it at dozens of performances in the past and suddenly realized that I would feel it at dozen of performances in the future. It was like an old, if unwanted, friend. I'd been reading Pema Chodron's book When Things Fall Apart, which explores a Buddhist perspective on accepting and dealing with the coming and going of hard times, anxiety, fear, and sorrow. Chodron tells us that in life, it's not a matter of if things will fall apart or become difficult, but when. Fear is a natural human emotion that has been felt since the beginning of civilization, and isn't going away. She suggests that the solution is not to banish fear, but to get familiar with it. One phrase she suggests is "Welcome, fear."

Remembering this (and still shaking), I feebly whispered "Welcome, fear." I waited and wished for magic. It didn't make my stomach knot go away or heart pound any less, but it was a tiny bit comforting somehow. I have to get comfortable with fear, it's going to show up at every performance. It's not about making fear disappear (in fact when I try to do this, it just gets worse).  It's about acknowledging the fear, looking it right in the face, and then going onstage anyway. Once I'm out there, the fear doesn't go away, but it's not the loudest voice in my head anymore. 

Choose Your Battles
We have a choice in these moments of fear: to go onward even if we are afraid, or to choose not to do whatever it was we were planning to do. There's no right or wrong answer, and every day we make decisions that represent moving forward with fear, or turning back because of fear. Maybe the point is not to do every task you set out to do, but to just notice when you are willing to march onward and when you're not able to.  I've noticed for myself, if I really love doing something, I'll be willing to do it even if I am afraid, whereas if it's something I'm not as passionate about, I'm not willing to do it. 

I am willing to perform even though it scares the daylights out of me every time, because for me, it's the most powerful way I've experienced of expressing myself and telling a story. I am not willing to go hand-gliding (yet) because the fear I feel is stronger than the desire I have to try it. I'm open for that to change, but so far, I haven't been able to go forward with it. I think that's ok, it's a process.


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My dream of hand-gliding is not yet a reality--my fear still outweighs my curiosity.
When you do do something despite feeling afraid, there is such a delicious thrill that comes with it. To dare to move onward even with fear is to be brave and opens up doors that were previously closed. As Lucy Maud Montgomery (the author of the beloved Anne of Green Gables series) said, 
"It was not an easy ascent, but even in the struggle at its hardest, there was a delight and a zest known only to those who aspire to the heights."
Some of the best things I've ever experienced started off with paralyzing fear. As a kid, I remember wanting so badly to go on the roller coaster at the amusement park one summer and yet not seeing how I would ever be able to even get in line because I was so anxious. My Uncle Bill smiled down at me and said "It is a little scary. But everything fun usually is. Come on!" 

He was right. I rode the roller coaster half a dozen times with him that day, hanging on to the safety bar for dear life, but screaming out of fright and happiness at the same time. 

How do you talk to your fear? What is fear holding you back from right now?


Come back tomorrow for Life Lesson #6: Be Here Now.
4 Comments
Corrie
11/5/2014 12:37:00 pm

Love all these posts. This one reminds me of acting in one of the grad directing projects after being away from the stage for quite a while. It was Samara's all-female Macbeth with yours truly & Leora! I totally remember standing in the wings of the Semel feeling like I was going to pass out and Leora commenting on how fast her heart was beating. And I had this super long speech to start with, but we somehow managed to get through it not to mention this huge bed Samara insisted in using for the second scene (it was that one they used for everything) that was like 4 feet off the ground so poor Leora had to hurl herself on top of it.

It's so funny how as soon as you are done you immediately forget all that pre-show terror and want to do it all over again...

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Melissa
11/11/2014 06:41:15 am

I am always glad to discover that this kind of fear is universal! And I love that you ladies did an all female Macbeth--the image of having to jump on an enormous bed is great. You're exactly right--as soon as curtain call comes, all you want to do is start again. I always feel so grateful to have had these kinds of thrilling moments in my life, however far and few between they may feel.

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Harry Bryan
9/11/2024 02:18:38 pm

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Harry Bryan
9/11/2024 02:19:27 pm

KREDITNO PODUZEĆE ZA FINANCIJSKO PLANIRANJE TREBATE LI FINANCIJSKU POMOĆ? JESTE LI U FINANCIJSKOJ KRIZI ILI SU VAM POTREBNA SREDSTVA ZA POKRETANJE VLASTITOG POSLA? TREBATE LI SREDSTVA KAKO BISTE PODMIRILI DUG ILI ISPLATILI RAČUNE ILI POKRENULI DOBAR BIZNIS? IMATE LI NIZAK KREDITNI REZULTAT I TEŠKO VAM JE DOBITI KAPITALNE USLUGE OD LOKALNIH BANAKA I DRUGIH FINANCIJSKIH INSTITUTA? EVO VAŠE ŠANSE DA DOBIJETE FINANCIJSKE USLUGE OD NAŠE TVRTKE. NUDIMO SLJEDEĆE FINANCIJE POJEDINCIMA- *KOMERCIJALNE FINANCIJE *OSOBNE FINANCIJE *POSLOVNE FINANCIJE *POSLOVNE FINANCIJE *POSLOVNE FINANCIJE I MNOGO VIŠE: ZA VIŠE DETALJA. KONTAKTIRAJTE ME PUTEM. E-MAIL Pošaljite nam e-poštu: [email protected] Svi tražitelji gotovine trebali bi nas kontaktirati Whats App +385915608706 ,.,.;

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    My name is Melissa and I'm an actor, playwright, author, filmmaker, and teaching artist who wants to help you discover, cultivate, and care for your creativity. 
     
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