THE PERPETUAL VISITOR: Sustainable Creative Living.
  • Blog
  • About Me
  • Things I Teach
  • Things I Make
    • The Book: The Perpetual Visitor
    • Wild Unfolding: and other poems
    • New Bird
    • The Podcast
    • Theatre
    • Film
    • Poetry
  • Contact
  • Blog
  • About Me
  • Things I Teach
  • Things I Make
    • The Book: The Perpetual Visitor
    • Wild Unfolding: and other poems
    • New Bird
    • The Podcast
    • Theatre
    • Film
    • Poetry
  • Contact

Playing Pretend

10/8/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture
Forgive me for re-posting this quote (I originally used in in a July post) , but I just love imagining J.K. Rowling trying to fit into a great many roles that weren't quite right for her before she surrendered to the truth that she was a writer, even long before the first Harry Potter book was published.  In the past, I have identified myself in a way that I thought would make sense to other people, instead of defining myself according my own truth. When I tell people that I do administrative work to pay the bills, they start assuming that I'm trying to climb my way up to "executive assistant".  As soon as I mention that I have studied theatre education, people assume my goal is to work with students full time. In the past, I have not easily challenged these assumptions, because I figured at the very least, people could wrap their heads around what the life of an administrative assistant or classroom teacher looked like. I'm not proud of failing to clarify their assumptions, but it's been easier to let them try to understand my life using familiar models, rather than try to explain the messy truth. On top of that, I often struggle to define who I am and what I do, so how can I explain it to someone else if I still don't fully understand?

I have pretended to play the role of "aspiring executive assistant" and "teacher looking for full time teaching job" for so long that I started to believe that these were things I actually wanted. I know so many wonderful drama teachers and talented administrative assistants; I respect both immensely, but the truth is that I have never felt a deep calling for either. Yet, I have spent countless hours applying for positions that didn't suit the real me and telling well meaning family that I was searching for work, all out of the desire to be respected and understood. Pretending to be someone that I am not has subconsciously made me believe I have failed at something; something I didn't even want in the first place.

I am going to stop pretending. The truth is that I am an actor, writer, and a community teaching artist, and I have been actively playing these roles in some way for over a decade. The truth is that I don't act, write, or teach workshops as much as I would like to have the time for, but I'm doing the best I can with the hours in the day I have. The truth is that I have worked many day jobs thus far in my quest to keep acting and writing, and will probably work many more.  I am working on not needing anyone else's permission or  approval to live this way, and perhaps most of all, I'm trying to give myself permission to be who I am, without judgement.
As my often quoted sage Liz Gilbert says:
“Tis' better to live your own life imperfectly than to imitate someone else's perfectly.”
Who have you been pretending to be? Is it other people's judgement that's hardest to deal with, or do you struggle with your own?
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    My name is Melissa and I'm an actor, playwright, author, filmmaker, and teaching artist who wants to help you discover, cultivate, and care for your creativity. 
     
    What does being creative mean to you?

    How do you play every day?

    This is a space for taking a break, a breath,  and finding ways to flex our imagination and find the joy where we can. 

    ​No one is going to present us with a ready made creative life--we have  to step up and gift it to ourselves. I'm so glad you're here.

    Categories

    All
    Artist Dates
    Creative Recharge
    Creative Risks
    Motivation Monday
    Persistence
    Play
    Success
    Theatre
    Tiny Tips For Creativity
    Whole Artist
    Writing

    Archives

    December 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    March 2022
    January 2022
    November 2021
    August 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    August 2020
    July 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013

    Want to get blog posts delivered right to your inbox? Sign up to receive The Perpetual Visitor below and never miss creative conversation!

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.