I have pretended to play the role of "aspiring executive assistant" and "teacher looking for full time teaching job" for so long that I started to believe that these were things I actually wanted. I know so many wonderful drama teachers and talented administrative assistants; I respect both immensely, but the truth is that I have never felt a deep calling for either. Yet, I have spent countless hours applying for positions that didn't suit the real me and telling well meaning family that I was searching for work, all out of the desire to be respected and understood. Pretending to be someone that I am not has subconsciously made me believe I have failed at something; something I didn't even want in the first place.
I am going to stop pretending. The truth is that I am an actor, writer, and a community teaching artist, and I have been actively playing these roles in some way for over a decade. The truth is that I don't act, write, or teach workshops as much as I would like to have the time for, but I'm doing the best I can with the hours in the day I have. The truth is that I have worked many day jobs thus far in my quest to keep acting and writing, and will probably work many more. I am working on not needing anyone else's permission or approval to live this way, and perhaps most of all, I'm trying to give myself permission to be who I am, without judgement.
As my often quoted sage Liz Gilbert says:
“Tis' better to live your own life imperfectly than to imitate someone else's perfectly.”